Owning The Ground You Walk On

Everyone has a little (or a large) problem with their confidence. Period. But why is it an issue that girls can address openly? Society loves double standards, doesn't it? (sarcasm intended)

Growing up in an international school where there were loads of kids looked like they belonged in a fashion ad, I never felt "cool" enough and or "hip" enough to hang with the "in crowd". This was reinforced strongly by the fact I was constantly told that I was not "pretty" enough. Whenever I tried to befriend those in the "in crowd", let alone talk to them, I was politely turned down in the most passive aggressive way. It was really easy to see what they thought of me - they 'attempted' to stop giggling when they talked to me, made faces like they were forced to smile while having stinky old cheese held under their noses, and even openly laughed at me when I tried to ask them a question.

(pretty much what Echosmith is trying to say in their song Cool Kids)

To compensate, I tried to fit in by finding ways to makes them like me. All attempts failed as I started becoming someone I didn't recognise. I was so obsessed with trying to get everyone around me to like me, I forgot who I was along the way. It was only after I graduated Year 11 (10th grade, for Americans) and moved to a new school, did I realise that I was surrounded by people who were materialistic - people depended on expensive things to seem cool. Don't get me wrong, I made some lifelong friends at that school I grew up at (some of which I still keep in touch with), but there was so much toxicity around it rubbed off on me. It didn't make me feel good, and I came away from those 11 years there with a self-esteem so low, it could have touched the core of the Earth.

Thankfully, moving schools changed things for myself. It helped that my cohort consisted only of 22; everyone knew everyone, and we all were a large family. My self-esteem grew. From my two years at the new school, I learned many things.

I learned to pick out clothes that flattered my body and wear makeup that suited my face. The most important thing? I learned not to give a rat's fart about what people thought of me. I would turn up to school with no makeup, hair in a bun and no one would say much. (I mean, they could have commented behind my back, but I couldn't care less)

I guess what helped me through all this was my passion for the art of dance. Each dance style and or piece has a different storyline, each requiring the dancer to take on a character and performing as the character would. I took the same concept and applied it to my personal life. Without losing my self identity, I could shift from one character to another. (Hence, dancers are just like actors) The key here is to not lose your own self identity as you do this. The moment you start being who you are not, its easy to see straight through your covers.

I now have no issue performing or speaking in front of a hall full of people and large crowds. The (major) key is to have a character you can play, but not to lose yourself at the same time. This applies to both females and males. (I only get nervous when I have to perform or speak in a closed room, consisting of just a panel of two people...everyone has their kryptonites)

Long story short, surround yourself with people who love you they way you are. You confidence will grow. Similarly, stop giving a rat's fart about what people will think about you. For all you know, they don't really care. If they do, they really need to fill up their time with something more productive. Geez.

You do you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

P.S. if you want to see me write about fashion/style tips, body confidence, dance related things or maybe want a male guest writer to write his views on confidence for guys, subscribe! It may just happen :)

P.P.S I am in no way a dishing out professional advice. I'm just sharing how I do things and if you like the stuff I do, by all means, use it. (AND SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE) :)

Image credit: Google

#personal #growing #perspective #lifelessons #confidence